A Man in the Women’s Restroom

As a male who studied Anatomy and Physiology in college and taught 4 years of A&P in a high school, I understand that women have it rough. All the changes in a woman’s body to create a child and then the long process of carrying the child to full or near full term is wild. The numerous changes after birth, plus now you have to care for a very dependent tiny person. Seems crazy, but it’s an absolute blast to have children. What people don't tell you is that the world we live in isn’t designed for kids. While my son was sent home from school last week with a runny nose, I was able to grab a bite with a friend at a nice restaurant he has yet to experience. Absolutely beautiful day on the Central Coast of California and we sat outside eating and talking about Fantasy Football, Basketball, and kids. My friend is a father of two children over the age of 10, so I picked his brain about little things and if he had any fears as I manage my 2-year-old and expect another on the way in November. He was quite helpful, saying mostly that being with a partner that helps and nurtures your family as much as you try is a blessing. No real fears if you have someone to lean on. I said that was fine and dandy, but what about changing dirty diapers when you're all by yourself and you've got a honey-do list the length of a CVS receipt? He couldn’t remember the details, but he knew he had some rough times. I explained to him that I feared my kid soiling his diaper while we were out in public because there are so many restrooms that lack a changing station or facility for parents and caregivers. 

I take an active role in caring for my son. Many factors play into this, like my work schedule, and the lack of a daycare or nanny system we have, but I have the responsibility of raising and caring for my child. As we start to eat our lunch I mentioned to my buddy that I had to change my son on the tiny umbrella stroller, on the flimsy and dirty sink at a bar and grille, or my personal worst, the floor of a grocery store bathroom. Having lots of anxiety and stress while changing my son in these small, dirty, and unusual places took my energy away and drained my spirits. Tied for the personal worst place to change your child as a father is the women’s restroom. The only tool that can help me is in a private space behind a sign that says “Women Only.” And of course, if you know how children operate, they tend to do things at your least convenient moments. This is when my son started to defecate in his diaper. Boom, time to take my little guy to the men’s restroom and change him. Except this restaurant didn't have a changing station in the men’s restroom. I was visibly defeated. Talking about my worst fear while out in public and my son manifests this nightmare. I asked our waitress if they only had a changing station in the women’s restroom and she replied, “yes.” 

Ugh, do I go in and change my son or do I wait until we walk back home? 

Of course, I do what I think is best and ask the waitress for her assistance and guard the door while I try to change him as quickly as possible. Luckily for me, the restaurant wasn't to capacity and our waitress was very helpful. I prep everything like a NASCAR pit stop so I can make a quick in and out. After making sure the restroom was clear, our waitress opened the door for me, and my heart started racing. Knowing that at any moment women could walk to the door and ask to be let in, was uneasy, because I was in a private space dedicated to her. What was worse, was that the waitress left for a moment and as I saw the door close I thought there was no one protecting me and stopping others from walking in. I was so afraid of being caught in the women’s restroom that I didn't even wash my hands. I just wanted to bolt out of the women’s restroom and be safe across the hallway in the men’s facility.  Absolutely nothing happened, no one other than my friend and the waitress knew I was in the women’s restroom changing my son, but I felt uneasy.

I thought to myself out loud after washing our hands in the men’s restroom, did I just jinx myself? We laughed it off and my son was clean and cheerful again, but I still wasn't.  Back in July, I posted an article on our Baby Yoyito Instagram account. The article was in regards to a man who went into a women’s restroom with his 5-month-old and changed a dirty diaper, only to be walked in on by a woman who was very frustrated about his presence in the women’s restroom. With this article, I posed the question, “Was dad doing the right thing? Was dad doing the wrong thing? Or did dad need Baby Yoyito to save them from these types of events? “One mom replied to me, saying that as a mother of 5 girls she automatically felt this father was in the wrong. This mother of 5 said the dad probably could have done more to secure the safety of himself and women shoppers, but she had compassion for him and the situation. I mentioned to her that men lack the tools to be successful partners and fathers because society is very skewed. This mom solidified my feelings about what transpired, women would feel very uncomfortable and shocked if a man was in a women’s restroom, even if he was only trying to be a good dad. 

This is how I know deep inside that the product we are developing and the brand we are building are beneficial to many lives. I absolutely will not leave the house without our prototype anymore, even if I know that I plan on being gone for 20 minutes. Our Baby Yoyito portable changing station has become my little sidekick, it saves the day for me so I don't have to be a superhero, just a dad.